Inspired by

I think it "officially" started in middle school, but really it was before that. I remember feeling strange and out of place as a child. I went to the guidance counselor in 3rd grade and I told her that I didn't have any real friends. She of course assured me that I had plenty of friends, I was fine. But I knew I was different.

Middle school was worse, everyone says that middle school is bad, but I was one of those kids that had it the worst. Mocked daily for my body, chewed up food thrown at me, notebooks stolen, rumors, lunch alone. I was mad at the world, and I didn't know why.

My grandma died freshman year of high school, that was another blow. I would cry a lot. I would eat until I threw up and then eat some more. I would stab myself with pins, I would hurt myself to make things better. I counted out a bottle of tylenol and cried because I couldn't swallow pills. It felt like drowning, and anger, and sorrow, and incredible pain.

In 10th grade, my Mom forced me to go see a counselor. It was a struggle, I hated her for it. I resisted. They started me on zoloft and it saved my life. Within a month I felt like myself again. I was still weird, and creative, and it was okay. I felt like me, the real me. The demon inside was... gone.

It wasn't always that easy. I struggled with meds adjustments, and I made a bad choice to stop taking my prescription freshman year of college. I still felt lost sometimes and I was afraid because things could fall apart so easily.

This tattoo of the chemical structure of serotonin, the chemical believed to regulate our moods, was inspired by that fight. To remind myself how bad things got and how far they've come, to remind myself to smile.